


Desperate Times

by Leo_nine



Series: Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Dirty Talk, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Reader-Insert, Sex Pollen, Sexual Humor, Smut, Social Awkwardness, Sort of dub-con but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 12:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20470691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leo_nine/pseuds/Leo_nine
Summary: A new agent is infected by a Hydra neuro-toxin and the Avengers can’t agree on a treatmentMy (hopefully humorous) take on the sex pollen trope. There’s usually two people affected, I wondered what would happen if it wasn’t that convenient!Plenty of talk about sex in this but no actual smut - the smut is in companion fic Desperate Measures.





	Desperate Times

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place some time prior to Ultron and assumes that Jane Foster and Thor already split up.

“Maybe it wasn’t clear to you all, but when Shield lends the Avengers one of its best agents for three months we expect to get them back safe and sound. How did this happen?” Maria Hill held up a hand dismissively to silence the sudden clamour of voices in the conference room. “You know what, save the explanations til later. Right now the priority is making sure your team mate makes it through this with no residual damage. Cap, how long since she was affected?”

“Approximately two hours. The first symptoms appeared 30 minutes after exposure to the gas, whilst the Quinjet was en route here.”

“Symptoms?” Maria interjected.

“Initially minor - anxious, sweating, distracted. But it quickly became clear that she’d inhaled some kind of synthetic aphrodisiac. So we did our best to give her some privacy and radioed ahead to Dr Cho so the medical team knew what to expect.”

“Yeah, that was a hell of a journey. Not awkward in the slightest,” said Sam, leaning back in his chair. “Three guys trying to act casual, pretending they’re not sitting on a plane with a horny half-naked woman who’s dry-humping the seat cushions.”

“And one guy flying alongside like he wasn’t invited to the party, because you wouldn’t open the damn jet doors.”

Sighing heavily, Steve dragged a hand across his face. “Give it a rest, Tony, I was following standard quarantine procedure until it was clear what we were dealing with.”

“Oh, of course - just following the ‘usual’ sex pollen procedure?” Tony’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “And did this imaginary procedure say that you had to leave the comms fully open so I heard all the Pornhub sound effects without at least having the benefit of visuals?”

Despite your initial attempt at self-control, the effects of the gas had increased steadily during the flight, searing pain twisting your stomach into tight knots, scorching skin prickling and itchy no matter how much clothing you removed. The desperate need for sexual gratification had overtaken your inhibitions and you’d taken matters into your own hands, literally, and managed to gain temporary relief. The others had no chance to ignore your lewd gasps and groans as you pleasured yourself though and the overall level of sexual frustration on the jet had risen exponentially, resulting in some awkward shuffling amid muttered complaints about overly tight uniform pants. It turned out that the Iron Man suit was even less accommodating in the crotch region and there had been bitching over comms for the rest of the trip back about the difficulties of flying with a hard-on.

“Anyway,” Steve continued, ignoring the grin that Sam failed to stifle at Tony’s irritation, “as soon as the jet touched down, the medics did the essential tests and it was agreed ...”

“I didn’t agree,” Thor grumbled. “There was no need for her to suffer when someone was willing to offer assistance.”

Steve sighed again, wondering how this was his life. “It was agreed _by the medical team _that she should be isolated for her own protection while we waited for the test results. Since there was no treatment available at the time it made sense for her to be as comfortable as possible rather than stuck in med bay so she’s currently locked in her room, and Dr Cho is monitoring her from here.”

Taking that as her cue, Helen Cho’s hands flicked across the control panel in front of her and all eyes turned to the screen at the front of the room which had lit up with graphs and charts showing your vital signs that were significantly higher than normal but still below dangerous levels. “The chemical compound she inhaled is attacking her nervous system at a significantly higher rate than we’ve seen in any of the previous cases. The results of the blood tests indicate that it’s not like any Hydra tech we’ve come across before and it’s taking much longer than hoped to decode it.“

“Any progress on finding a cure or does she just have to wait it out?”

“Bruce is working on an antidote but he’s not confident that he’ll be able to synthesise one in time. The only option is for her to maintain high levels of oxytocin and endorphins in her bloodstream to counteract the effects otherwise she’ll suffer permanent nerve damage at best, potentially full organ failure at worst.” Helen’s face was grim. “Given the levels of neuro-toxins in her system and the complexity of the chemical compound it’s likely to need several hours of sustained sexual activity.”

Moving closer to the screen, Maria studied the medical results. “Well, it’s not the worst way to spend an afternoon and it seems from the charts she’s got this under control. So what’s the problem, Doc?”

“That’s just it, she’s not going to be able to control it much longer, not for something this strong. Her, um, current activities have been enough so far but that isn’t going to be a viable option soon.”

“Why, are her batteries running out?” Seeing Steve’s look of disapproval, Tony snorted derisively. “What? You were thinking it too. We all saw the stuff she had in her bedside drawer while we were getting her settled in her room.”

Sam nodded sombrely. “Man, that was a little intimidating. It’s always the quiet girls that are the kinkiest.”

“No, she still has a good supply of toys at her disposal.” The doctor’s voice trailed off as she thought back to the impressive collection of vibes, dildos and some items that she didn’t recognise but had made a mental note to google later - for science, obviously. I mean, what even was that purple one with the tongue-like attachment? Suddenly aware of everyone’s eyes on her, waiting for her to continue she blushed a deep pink. “Sorry, lost my train of thought. No, the problem is she’s becoming delirious with the fever which means she’s not going to be fully conscious to sort herself out any more. We need someone else to keep her stimulated before her condition deteriorates further.”

Maria’s eyebrows shot up. “Hold on, there. You’re telling me I have to give authorisation to get her a fuck buddy?”

The sharp clatter of a chair hitting the floor, knocked over in Asgardian haste, made everyone jump. “Finally someone is talking sense.”

Before Thor made it to the door though, Steve had intercepted him, taking a defensive stance while keeping a firm grip on his shoulder. “Hold on there. I was the mission leader, she got hurt on my watch. She’s my responsibility.”

“I was the one that let her go in that lab alone, this is my fault as much as it is yours.” Glancing at Steve’s hand, Thor stood up a little straighter to emphasise his height advantage. “And I volunteered first.”

“Seriously? I can’t believe you think calling dibs in a situation like this is gonna work,” scoffed Steve. As if he was going to throw away the opportunity to fuck you senseless when he’d been fantasising about getting his hands on you for weeks. Seeing the determined look on Thor’s face though, he decided a bit of honesty might be the best policy. “Look, I really like her. I was thinking of asking her out on a date after this mission.”

“I was going to ask her last week after I danced with her at that charity ball, but YOU interrupted us.” Thor definitely wasn’t backing down. He’d had every intention of courting you slowly, taking his time to get to know you better, but right now he was happy to skip the romancing and get straight to the point where he worshipped you with his fingers and mouth and aching cock until you were screaming his name in bliss. “No offence Captain, but this requires the stamina of a god.”

“Supersoldier serum - I can do it all day, pal.”

“Hey!” Maria’s fist banged the table to get their attention. “Dial down the testosterone, lover boys, she’s not in any state to agree to this and I’m not signing off on anything until we’ve exhausted all other options.”

Steve relaxed his grip but still stood between Thor and the doorway. “Fine. Is there a Shield protocol for dealing with situations like this? You said there have been other cases.”

Helen shook her head. “Previous incidents like this have had more than one agent affected so the problem solved itself. Killing two birds with one fu... I mean, stone. There wasn’t much needed to be done except let them at each other and give them some privacy. ”

“She isn’t dating anyone? No boyfriend, girlfriend, even a friendly ex that we might be able to call on?” asked Maria, still hoping for an easier solution.

After a few moments of thought, Tony snapped his fingers. “Wait, didn’t she mention dating a guy from Shield headquarters last year?”

“Yep, but she called him ‘the dickhead from Intel’ so I’m gonna take a guess he wouldn’t be her first choice for a booty call,” said Sam dismissively. “Nat would know for sure but she and Clint are on radio silence until their mission is over.”

“Well this is awkward.” Tapping her fingers on the desk distractedly, Maria contemplated the alternatives before coming to a decision. “OK. I’m not at all happy about the lack of consent here but it is a medical emergency and at this point I guess there’s no other choice. It’ll have to be one of you.”

Instantly, four hands shot up in the air and Maria’s shoulders slumped. After this was over, getting an actual Shield procedure written for ‘sex pollen’ was going to be the number one priority. “Assuming she makes it through this, she’ll be flattered that her team mates care so much about her wellbeing. How is Pepper by the way, Tony, haven’t seen her around recently?”

“Oh right, got carried away there for a minute.” He lowered his hand sheepishly. “Nobody mention that I volunteered.”

Sam also lowered his hand. “And I’ve just remembered that you can spy on everything happening in that room, so I’m not gonna even try to pretend I can compete with those two. Count me out.”

“So we’re back to bachelor number 1 and bachelor number 2,” said Maria, turning to face the two blondes who were still eyeing each other warily. “Sam, Tony, you can go.”

‘Best of luck, may the best man win,” said Tony, giving Steve a friendly pat on the back. As he and Sam headed down the corridor, keen to get to their quarters, he couldn’t resist shouting a final suggestion. “Or maybe you two could just learn to share?”

“Oh hell no, I’m not authorising a threesome to solve a medical emergency,” snapped Maria, before anyone else could react. “Not when it’s me who has to look Nick in the face later and explain all this. Helen, open comms with her quarters. We’re going to see if she’s lucid enough to choose. If not, then I’ll flip a coin.”

The speakers crackled briefly as the connection was made, before broken sentences echoed across the conference room in a pained whimper.

“... _wanna cum ... ah it hurts ... need to fuck ... please_ ...”

You didn’t respond to Helen’s first questions, instead repeating the same phrases over and over. Trying one more time, she spoke as reassuringly and clearly as possible to make sure you understood. “It’s OK, we’re going to help you. You just need to choose - Steve or Thor? Do you want either of them to join you?”

At the mention of the men’s names your mumbling changed - still murmuring just a few words at a time but it was obvious that your lust-filled brain had got the idea.

“_Yes, ugh yes ... please ... want him so bad .... those muscles ... oh oh god ... huge arms ... wanna lick ‘em_ ...”

“You and me both, sister,” muttered Helen under her breath, before speaking into the mic again. “Tell us, who do you want?”

“... _looks so fucking good in that blue suit ... wanted to rip it off him _...”

Thor was gleeful. “I was wearing a blue suit to the event last week when I danced with her.”

Raising an eyebrow, Steve wordlessly gestured to the dark blue mission suit he was still wearing.

“Oh right, yes, forgot about that,” said Thor, looking deflated.

“... _want his face between my thighs ... those blue eyes looking up at me ... fingers buried, stroking deep_ ...” Your voice was getting clearer, stronger, as the fantasy played out in your head and a fresh wave of arousal flooded your body. “_Tangling my fingers in that beautiful blonde hair ... tongue flicking across my clit ... over and over ... oh fuck ... yes yes_ ... ” Your voice broke into a shuddering breathy moan that signalled another climax.

Maria couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. “Well, it could still be either one of you but at least this is helping to keep her stimulated.”

“Not the only one,” said Steve, trying to resist the urge to palm his throbbing cock through his pants.

Helen tried one more time into the mic. “Who are you talking about?”

“_Want him pressing me into the bed ... inside me, filling me ... fucking me hard ... so hard ... Thor _...”

The word “shit” had barely left Steve’s mouth before Thor pushed him out of the way, fumbling with the buckles on his armour.

“Sorry Cap, but that’s close enough to consent for me,” said Maria. Watching the camera feed from the corridor outside your room she typed in the lockdown security code in readiness to open the door when he arrived.

Barely seconds later Thor appeared with his chest already bare, clothes abandoned along the way in his haste. Skidding to a halt outside your still-locked room he banged on the door in frustration. “Open it or I’ll break it down.”

The door began to slide open and his face broke into a feral grin as a pair of hands grabbed him by the belt and dragged him inside.

Maria leant across to shut off the surveillance monitor. “Well, she seems to be in good hands. Doctor, will you monitor her vital signs from med bay just in case and alert me if her condition deteriorates? I’m pretty confident we don’t have to worry any more.”

*****  
It wasn’t often that there was chance to switch off and Maria was making the most of it, shoes kicked off and feet curled under her on the couch. The only other occupant of the breakroom was Steve who was hunched over a keyboard, hitting the keys almost hard enough to break them. Hearing the door open, Maria looked up and saw Dr Cho getting a coffee. She gestured to the free chair opposite her, and pushed a hardly-touched plate of snacks across when the medic flopped down gratefully.

“Thanks.” Taking a cookie, Helen leant back and stretched to relieve the crick in her neck caused by being stuck looking at notes and monitors all day.

“So it’s been 6 hours without any alerts, how’s the patient?”

“Doing well now. Really, really incredibly well I imagine.” Helen just about managed to stop herself at that point by taking a long sip of her drink. It probably wasn’t professional to use the words ‘lucky bitch’ when discussing a patient’s treatment.

“The neuro-toxin is out of her system then?”

“Definitely. Vitals returned to normal several hours ago, body temp is within standard range again. Her heart rate has stayed higher than normal but that isn’t a concern.” Pre-empting the obvious question, Helen gave a weak smile. “It’s in the right range for someone participating in strenuous exercise.”

“Yeah I bet. So it’s ok for me to go check on her then?”

Taking another swig of coffee, Helen shook her head. “Nope. Not possible, the room’s still on lock-down.”

Maria’s brow furrowed. “But, you just said...”

“Locked from the inside. The two of them are still going at it. I tried to explain that I needed to do a few more medical tests and she said she was feeling much better now. Then they both told me to go away, only not so politely.”

The door swung open again and Nat sauntered in, finally back from her mission and in search of company since the rest of the team seemed to be hiding or mysteriously unwilling to talk. More perplexingly, the only response from Steve to her cheery hey was a grunt and a dismissive wave. Taking a seat on the couch next to Maria, she jerked a thumb in his direction. “What’s up with the grumpy old man over there?”

“Filling in mission paperwork to take his mind off getting cock-blocked,” Maria chuckled. “You missed a hell of a day.”

They quickly brought Nat up to speed with the day's events, including some speculation on just how well Thor was looking after you.

“She saw her chance and took it, good for her.” Nat sounded impressed. Seeing the blank faces of the other two, she sighed. “Honestly, is it just me that notices these things? She’s been thirsting over Thor for months, flirting her ass off, but he didn’t seem to be making a move. Seems a coincidence that it was her who got the faceful of sex pollen.”

“Are you implying she might have exposed herself to that neuro-toxin crap on purpose?” asked Helen incredulously. “No it’s ridiculous, no one is that desperate.”

“C’mon, nobody would deliberately risk their life just to get laid. Although - to get laid by Thor though ...” Maria paused, clearly starting to wonder whether the benefits might just outweigh the risk. “And even if her plan to bang the god of her dreams didn’t work out, the alternative candidates weren’t too bad either.”

Helen licked her lips, looking over at Steve thoughtfully. “Where was this Hydra lab again?”


End file.
